Humour thread-random pieces

[mar umpire]

Ashraful stared transfixed, his eyes slowly moving out of focus as his eyes took on a glazed appearance. The impact of the last sentence truly hit him. The “profoundness” of the impact caused great changes in ashraful’s body that caused him to secrete saliva in paroxysmal bursts, with the end product of his mouth resembling a miniature version of the “Buriganga”, drool cascading over his lips with the effort of concentration. He at last knew it. What he had tried for so long. For, “ashraful” was not a name synonymous with “Understanding”.
“I.. don’t understand..”
“Pardon?”
Outside the sounds of a bat being knocked in could be heard, often interrupted by sycophantic bursts of “Udhao hoia gese…Just like magic!”.
“I mean, I never understood and I still don’t understand, that is my inner strength.”
Asad Gandalf stared at Ashraful, it was obvious he was deeply disturbed. He was thinking…deep “wizard” thoughts…..
“Hehehe..Just like Magic!”
Could he trust this boy? Or Strobbit? Or was he a child-man because he wasn’t a man-child…..curious…
“hehehe…Just like Magic!”
Gandalf looked at ashraful. Was this really the hope of Middle Subcontinent. For surely although he was known for brain supernova, this could be his strength, this could also be the choice for the urn bearer in the fellowship. Yes he needed someone who had no clue and hence would be idiotic enough to take the risk.
This was it, he had to tell him, Gandalf opened his mouth to speak…
“HOOOHOOO, ZUST LIKE MAZIC!HEHEHE” a wild yell with a strange accent disturbed Gandalf’s thoughts and he was brought back to Earth rather rudely
“Will you shut up you bleep……..!@!#!@#!#@” Gandalf inadvertently used some sections from the urn, he drew the hedges near the window apart to reveal a deliriously happy aftab, who by the looks of things, had completely lost his already limited, sanity
He gave a grin that showed all botrish pati daat, putting to shame any current Colgate TM model and ensuring aftab could get a contract in the future. His eyes bulged alarmingly and he was a frightening sight
“JUST LIK-“
Gandalf grabbed him by the ears and pulled him through the window
“What have you heard so far? Were you eavesdropping?”
Aftab short for Aftab-wise Ghamachee aka samwise gamgee, now had a glazed appearance and he looked blankly from Ashraful to Gandalf and to the urn…
“Just Like-“
“Yes we heard you the first time. Well it looks like you know the urn is magic, I guess I’ll have to punish you and make you go off with ashraful to destroy the urn by going through Wales to Mount Ozdor. I hope you will have a good partnership”
Aftab looked shocked and his jaw stayed open slackly in a manner reminiscent of formalin treated Ilish maach, not even a fly dared fly near aftab’s mouth. Being ‘in the crease” with ashraful was dangerous at the best of times and Gandalf knew by setting ashraful up with Aftab could spell disaster for the fellowship. But he had to take the risk.
Aftab suddenly gave a grin and opened his mouth-
“Yes we know. Really aftab you can’t play the same shot to different balls in a manner of speaking.”
“Now as I was saying, this urn is of utmost rarety, as is proven by the rare label “Made in China” and I ould advise you to keep it close to you at all times. We must make our way to Elrond’s house. There we will finalise everything. You will go to an inn called “Bouncing Pony” there you will go under the names of Mr Under- Dumb and …..?”
He looked at aftab
‘And magicman”
They both stared at Gandalf gormlessly and he let out a sigh of exasperation.
Meanwhile “Chacha” Baggins continued his travel, in the distance he could seee a strange creature.
“Expecting you, I have. Chacha yes. Ou training begins tomorrow.”

[mar umpire]

Chacha Baggins looked up to see a wise creature staring at him through wrinkled eyelids. He certainly was not fit for a Pantene advertisement, but he knew that to become a grade 3 Je-coach he had to pick up a few tips.
“yees. Chancellor Pilotine wll be most pleased to see you. Come through”
Chacha followed Yoda aka Siddons through long hallways, to emerge into a large coloseum like stadium.
“ We must first see if you have the gifts necessary to become a Je-coach.”
Chacha looked around at the set of people around him, they were all great teachers some way or another. He was slightly daunted.
“Well, I see things, after they’ve happened.”
Knowing nods followed.
“yes we know Chacha, that is a great gift in a Je-coach, the gift of hindsight and only realising something after you’ve made a dog’s breakfast out of selections, tactics..mind you speaking of dog’s breakfasts, they can be nutritious and scrumpti-“
He was quickly interrupted by an awkward cough.
“yes Chacha, from now on you won’t be Chacha, that is your past. You will now be known as Bagginakin Pitchinvader.”
Chach looked on, a lump in his throat. What an honour, to be called by such a great name only shared by obscure hooligans and die hard fans who would run onto the pitch only to be arrested. Tears welled up in his eyes..
‘Ey batta ke piaj kat-tise hay? Dhorte parle tore kintu khichuri banaya dibo”
Chacha was stunned. He did not know Yoda could speak bangla. All along he had heard of communication problems between the “coach” and his students. But now he could see it was a myth.
“Your teacher Chacha, is someone who I hold in great esteem. A great analyst and someone who has taught many-“
“hey how come you’r enot talking in the funny way you usually-“
“Shut up. Anyway you’re tutor shall be…..
Yo Gabba Gabba!”
Chacha looked around to see the princeliest of coaches, with an aquiline nose, dark brooding eyebrows-yes he would be a good teacher-
“Who are you looking at you idiot, he’s behind you”
Chacha turned around and there he was. Yo Gabba Gabba
“I’m not Yo Gabba gabba but people call me that. I’m DJ Lance Rock and I’m gonna teach you to Play Pretend with Muno, Play Games with Foofa………..”
Chacha looked at the glasses, the bling, the bright clothes, it was overwhelming
“You’re not epileptic are you? Mr Rock’s flashiness can sometimes cause er..medical problems”
************************************************** ****************
Ashraful, aftab and Mushfiq made their way along the winding track through a dark forest. Every now and then they would hear a rustle here and there as though they were being followed. Once or twice Mushfiq turned around to see aftab making noises with his mouth.
They had stopped to have lunch of shutki maach when they heard sniffing nearby, there was a hooded character who was sniffing around for something, but he had caught the scent of shutki before he could catch the strobbits’.
“Quick let’s hide”
Mushfiq, ashraful and aftab hid beneath a tree and waited with baited breaths as the hooded figure came close again, suddenly the figure went into paroxysms of spitting and coughing the end product being the tree had begun to resemble a very poor Golf Score.
“Bogey Bog-“
Mushfiq quickly shut up aftab. They had to be careful, one of the urn-wraiths could still be nearby. Plus he didn’t want to hear what aftab had to say, which was really more of the same.
“Who was that?” Ashraful looked nonplussed.
“I think it was one of the fallen Kings of the Ashes….CHapelron’s henchmen..by the looks of things” Mushfiq looked at the widespread “Salivary Carnage” around him. “..it was King Ponting… he must have sensed the urn, having lost it three times he was desperate to get his hands on it”
They made their way to the “Bouncing Pony” which had a strange sign of a Pony jumping with a smiling Curtly Ambrose in the background. They walked in.
“remember we are Mr Under-dumb, magicman and mushfiq”
Aftab stared at this announcement and grinned happily.
They walked into the inn, it looked dark and foreboding, strange sounds smoked through to their years with the odd “BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR” of a Coke drinker and spasmodic jumping by a few people drinking Praan TM. Whatever it was, all the drinks seemed to be spiked strongly with caffeine and sugar, they would have to watch out for Aftab who could be a danger to all and sundry.
“Lodgings for Under-dumb and a few friends please”
Mr Butter-fingers aka Kamran Akmal looked at them
“Did Asad Rauf send you?”
“Yes. How do you know Mr Butterfingers?”
“Here’s your keys, and be careful, strange folk about” Mr Butterfingers aka kamran dropped the key several times before handing it to them
“BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR” Mushfiq turned around to see aftab scull a bottle of Coke TM in one go. They had to move fast. A big, muscular man was approaching

“Aaaare yoooo Geeerlie men?”
Ashraful looked at him, he couldn’t understand what he was saying through such a strong accent. Ahsraful liked saying yes.
“Yes”
The man looked happier, they couldn’t see his eyes under the sunglasses and he had a large pistol.
“AAAAre YOOOO Seeaaaaraaaah Connaaar?”
Aftab looked at the man happily, a maniacal grin spreading over his face
“HOHOHO MERRY CHRISTMAS-“
“Aaaare yooooo Saaaaaraaaaah Connaaaaaaar?”
“-AND A HAPPY NEW-“
BOOOM
The inn was ripped apart by a gun going off , gun shots were fired like some Shahadat Hossain over, with their being "no balls" and the shooting being all over the place. The man was gone
“SHUVO NOBOBORSHO-“
Aftab had somehow come through unscathed and his random ranting woke up ashraful and mushfiq. A man came out of the corner and approached them
“You can trust me, I’m More-gan”
_______________________________________
Ashraful and Aftab sat in their room wtahcing the man
“They call me Striker, but others call me More-gan-“
“Aragorn!” Mushfiq showing recognition while aftab and ashraful continued their blank staring.
“No. My name translated into the ancient Banglish language means Aro-gaan from More-gaan. You may call be Arogan”
Mushfiq wasn’t happy, on such an important mission to have only a nokol was hardly something to cheer about

[mar umpire]

Arogan looked around shiftily.
“We won’t be safe here, King Ponting and his Swiss Ultravite Cronies will be here any time not to mention the other Kings, I shiver at the thought of Boonie..”
“Who are these guys?”
Arogan looked at Ashraful, he was surprised by his question.
“They are former Oz kings of cricket, played in something called ashes, all of them had a miniautr urn, like the one you have been left with, they had their own powers and they were ensnared by Chapelron. “
“I’ve heard of the urn-wraiths,” piped up Mushfiq “they ride creatures called nazguls”
“No. Not Nazguls. Something far more sinister. Capable of movement either way, either on the ground pitch or in the air.
“I’m talking about Nazmul!”
“Nazmul? The “DJ” of Bangladesh cricket?”
Arogan looked at him as though he was some small schoolboy.
“Nazmul became transformed and ensnared by Chapelron when Yoda Siddons would not select him. He went over to the dark side hoping for better fortunes. Unfortunately he has been changed now and perhaps even cloned as each King rides a Nazmul.”
Mushfiq stared and shuddered. He was filled with dread. Nazmul could smell Strobbits from miles away, in fact, Nazmul had shared a room with him. In fact Nazmul had….Mushfiq quickly relinquished such thoughts.
Aftab too was attempting to think, a kaleidoscope of images filled his mind, jumping from one image to another, until it rested on the muscular man who had not taken kindly to his “greetings”.
“We must leave now, we can drop a message to Mr Butterfingers and we’ll have to leave decoys.”
The party went up to Mr Butterfingers aka kamran.
“Mr Butterfingers, can you drop a message for us to Gandalf if he gets here”
“Don’t worry, as long as I don’t have to catch anything. I can drop almost anything. Can I drop anything else for you?”
“No that should be fine, the Strobbits and I leave now”
Meanwhile at The Base, Bagginakin Pitchinvader was hard at work, he had learnt something about playing with Foofa (Chacha thought this was insulting as it wasn’t his real Foofa and after all he was Chacha after all) as well as learning his ones and twos and rotation. Master Yo gabba Gabba aka DJ Rock was a hard taskmaster.
Yoda watched on pensievely.
“I expect you to do well, this is the best set of Je-players I have. There is no-one outside this squad who is as good.”
Suddenly the gates burst open and a reporter ran forward and collapsed at Siddons’ feet.
“Sidarth Monga reporting here. Strobbits attacked. Big man with a gun. No balls involved, all over the place-“
Siddons was thoughtful
“Shahadat?”
“No it was—“
“Was there any eet patkel involved, or Chris Gayle?”
“No. He was looking for “Geerlie men” and someone called “Connaaaar”” gasped Monga. He had not had any NimboozTM for a long time as a result he was struggling for breath. He needed its energy replenishing qualities. He had seen it on an ad, so it had to be true.
Siddons turned around to face his students.

“I am afraid my worst fears have been confirmed. This was no ordinary assault. I am afraid Shahrukh-net has become self-aware!”

“Ore amma, abba, mama, dada, Chacha-“ there was panic and chaos everywhere. Grown men sat crying while others simply hit their head against the walls as though they were some soccer player attacking-
“Dada is dead. Long Live Chacha!”
They stared at the majestic albeit slightly portly figure of Chacha Bagginakin Pitchinvader. Could he be their hero, the one who took on the “Turbanator”?
“Well said pitch invader. We will learn new fighting techniques. Defeat them we must. I shall teach you the art of Mortal Kombat TM”
“Total annihilation?”
“Yes. None of this petty streetfighting. None of this “Drive a Hilux and you’ll think you’re unbreakable”, None of this “Hadoken” and Dhalsim stop stealing Liu Kang’s food.”
Dhalsim promptly stopped stretching his arms towards Liu kang’s Roshmalai.

“It is time. To watch FIFA WORLD CUP 2006.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++
200 years in the future
200 years had passed since Shakib's, or to say it more accurately, Tamim's Billboard's victory over the Darth Rider. However during that time a black car could be seen regularly visiting the site of desolation. Underneath the billboard something metallic scratched and scraped. Mechatronic like hands crept out from the billboard like some vile arachnid




The editions may come more slowly now as I have been a bit busy

[mar umpire]

Yoda stared around at his pupils, there were good Street Fighters, some Mortal Kombatants, Pace Windu, DJ Rock and of course Chacha.
“Now as you know Sharukh-net has become self aware, it would appear that someone from the future has been sent back in time(even though it’s impossible) to hunt down some players. I have reliable news that someone has conducted genetic tests on Harbhajan and Andrew Symonds and the combined product last night killed its target.”
“But how do we know?”
“Criki-leaks, run by Alan Tyler”
“Oh” that seemed to be enough for the questioner.
“Now as you know this might end up like Mortal Kombat:Annhilation TM and whenever you hear “Finish Him” that’s exactly what you must be able to do.
“For that we have to develop our timing and technique. We must watch Fifa World Cup 2006. “
Siddons rolled the tape.
The tape played. Siddons was in a car crying with snickers TM strapped to his head, then in an office, prior to being Yoda and he had packets of Snickers TM strapped to his head. Meanwhile a sad “Nobody can tell ya..” song plays in the background
“Um stev- I meanYoda. We just wanted to tell you we know you’re bald. “ Siddons looks surprised
“We think you should stop wearing the snickers”
Sidons mouthes wordlessly looking around disbelievingly
“What do you mean?” a nervous chuckle
“it’s not fooling anyone”
Siddons is seen in his car crying. The song reaches a crescendo “anyone like you…..” Siddons takes off his wig of snickers bars.
“What?” Siddons is hysterical now back at the office. Camera pans back to him in the car
The song keeps going “But you gotta…take it off…”. Suddenly they show a random asian guy eating a snickers bar and smiling smugly
Siddons looked distraught on the tape. Suddenly Shahid Afridi bursts onto the scene carrying “Head and Shoulders”




Snickers-the secret to beautiful hair?


“Sorry wrong tape.”
Siddons turned on an old tape of the World cup. France vs Italy. Nothing much. Then…
“Watch it here watch it here..”
A tall Italian player whose name resembled a sportscar could be seen along with a Frenchman with a pate as shiny as Yoda Siddons. Materrazi could be seen saying something to Zidane, then suddenly the screen flashed
“FINISH HIM”
Zidane suddenly headbutted a Materrazi that flew back. Blood gushed out of his chest,his legs broke, his head exploded, His..
“yeah I added those later, good special effects eh?”
“And that is how you perform a FATALITY! I saw one of you attempting to do it on a wall, not a good idea. Any questions?”
Mitchell Johnson turned around and headbutted Scott Styris in the head, luckily for him he was wearing a helmet.
“Oi why’d you do that for?”
Mitchell Johnson was about to headbut him again when
“I’ll tell your mum Mitch if you don’t stop!”
Mitch was suddenly fearful
All the players looked queasy.
“Can’t we stick to Sonic Booms and throwing people or slapping them?”
Yoda ignored them
“Soon I will show you the 2010 FIFA WORLD CUP. Much to learn you have. From soccer. Right now you play like Betty White”
Khaled Mashud “Pilotine” looked on in interested silence



The part where Materrazi's heart is ripped out has been left out due to ethical reasons

__________________________________________________
Meanwhile the STrobbits stood hungry while Arogan “More-gan” went Duck hunting, he had already accumulated a fair few.
“Got one. Only needed one delivery as well. Golden duck this”
Ashraful and Aftab too were getting good at it. Mushfiq though was a bit slow off the mark.
“Arogan, how did you disguise our beds anyway? What were the decoys?”
The scene goes back to the Bouncing Pony inn
“Hoho, what a deal, Mr Butterfingers certainly gave us a good deal, free lodgings for the night” guffawed Duncan Fletcher
“Yeah this is great, Mazhar Majeed has also agreed to pay for our meals. Said something about an ice cream man” laughed the substitute fielder who had run out Ricky Ponting in the Ashes a few years back.
“What do you think is the best way to swing the ball, using Mentos, Coke or Ghee?
BLEURGHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHH
King Ponting burst through the window in a hail of sputum, phlegm, spit and any other oral-nasal secretion that can be thought of-a thoroughly frightening sight.
“Where are the Strobbits. Oh it’s you DUnky! You ^&*^&)(*)*_)*_*&*^^*(&(“

The foul Ozdor language had robbed Duncan Fletcher of the power of speech and he sat there ogling Ponting. This was one of the magical powers of Ozdor, and its earlier pioneers referred to it as “Mental Disintegration” although critics would argue it was Jafarulla Sharafat who was the first exponent.

“Feeling Tired? Stressed? You’ll Feel Better on Swisse TM” Ponting said it as though he had recited it many times before, like in an advertisement for example. Ponting licked his lip which was covered in….
“What do you mean?”
“Valvoline TM. You know what I mean!”
"No I don't know what you mean!"
"You know what I mean!"
Ponting’s strange behaviour and spontaneous mucus production (he was busily rubbing “Essence of Ponting” between his hands, a perverted version of Fair and Lovely, which he had been known to rub onto his mates’ and enemies’ faces) indicated the time was near.
Ponting loaded up, his fellow kings stepped back, afraid of the recoil. The blast could kill people nearby and they were afraid of “shrapnel”
KHHHHHHARRRRK-FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It was over in a hail of spit. Dunky was dead, before he could ever start coaching India


Dunky had no chance, with extra vitalised essence of ponting none of the english had a chance especially coaches

[mar umpire]

The “Turbanator” had done his job, he had misread his directions. He was meant to get a certain Indian bowler who was a “Girly man” not an actual woman. He slipped out of the Disco and looked down at his list for the next target.

Shakib al Hasan

Sreesanth lay huddled and crying. He was taken to the cleaners but he wasn’t dead. The “Turbanator” had slapped him silly, slap after agonising slap. He had screamed “No Bhajji No” but to no avail. Thappor khe or gaer chamra uthe gesilo. To add insult to injury the Turbanator would add as he bashed him

“Kha, kha, bokhilare kha”.

His skin was burning, his eyes even more so. He would get his revenge.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +
Arogan and the Strobbits sat around a fire eating ducks. Everyone was quite and in a pensieve mood. Suddnely Arogan stood up.

“Have to go hunting for er, more ducks.”
A short while later they heard yells and a yell of “Duck” followed by “Where” then a gunshot.
BOOM
“Ahhh Gadha kothaker tui bonduk niye ki korsish, arr bazbo nare!”
Ashraful and the other Strobbits burst onto the scene, to see Ponting and the other Kings assembled, along with Arogan who had a gun. Nearby a man groaned. He had been shot.
“Don’t trust him…he’s not-“
Arogan turned around.
Mushfiq finally saw him for what he was
“Dick Cheney, I should have known. We’ve been betrayed.”
For Dick Cheney was a close friend of Ponting aka Bush. His thirst for ducks although common with Morgan was insatiable, as his hunting partner had found out to his own detriment.
“there they are Punter, go get ‘em”
Suddenly Mushfiq had an idea.
“Duck!”
“Where?” one of the Kings were stupid enough to answer
BOOM BOOM
Two kings lay injured as Dick Cheney answered his “Duck-lust”
“Quack, Quack!” Ashraful for some inexplicable reason had decided to imitate a duck.
BOOM
Ponting ducked for cover as Cheney shot Ashraful for a Duck.
Suddnely the air was filled with a galloping noise.

Tokbok tokbok tokbok

Mahela “Mohila” Jayawardena came forth galloping on top of a Gadha labelled “Damien Martyn” one of the fastest steeds in the land who had infamously pushed Sharad Pawar off the dais.
He picked up ashraful and the Strobbits away from the Kings and reached a river as the Kings pursued in the trademark BMXes (Nazmul had a hamstring injury at that period).

Mahela “Mohila” Jayawardena turned around and looked fiercely at the Kings

“If you want him, come and claim him”

The Kings looked apprehensively at Ashraful. It was true they wanted the urn, but if ashraful came with the urn- they didn’t want the complete package. They turned back and ran, determined to take the urn off ashraful.


The "Damien Martyn" -Sports-Gadha of choice for those with a sense of style and class. The black caviar of sports-gadhas, the Lexus and Merc of the animal kingdom. Ridden by none other than Jayawardena

The Strobbits and Mahela travelled forth until they reached a sign.

123 Sesame Street.

They had finally reached their destination.
“Ashraful must be given rest to allow him to heal, he has been affected psychologically very deeply-“
Mushfiq opened his mouth then shut it again. They would find out about ashraful in time. No need to send the fellowship into a panic.

Ashraful opened his eyes. Days had passed since he was brought in. At his feet all his friends and Asad rauf sat worried.
“We thought we had lost you. You went into a kind of delirium. You were screaming and then came the scariest phase of all.
For two nights you thought you were Ayoub Bacchu. We couldn’t stop you singing. Then we fed you some Cadbury TM only for things to get worse. We couldn’t stop your eyebrows jumping around for another couple of days.”
Ashraful looked at them. A mad gleam in his eyes. His hands clutching a snickers bar aftab had given him that day
“Are you alright?”
Ashraful looked at the questioner
“Of course”
“Where are we?”
“123 Sesame Street”
“Who am I?”
“Mushfiq”
“Who are you?”
Ashraful thought deeply.
“Why, I am Batman!”
Ashraful looked around at the incredulous expressions on the faces around him.
He looked at Aftab.
“Why my fellow citizen, would you like to help batman? You could be Robin”
“Who gave him the snickers bar?”

[Trigger_Tiger]

The last bit was hilarious starting from123 Sesame Street!

But you mispelled Aragon as Arogan...better yet, make it Airgun :P! LOL!

BTW, the guy in Bandana looks awfully a lot like Kumar Sangakara don't you think ?

[mar umpire]

Lol thanx, the "Arogan" was a Banglish version of More-gan, as in More=aro in bangla and gan is gan (song) but yeah Airgun would have been good as well. I didn't want to deviate from the theme of Banglish and Ozdor language so I used that.

ROFLMAO I just realised that the guy looks like sangakkara, thanx i might try and incorporate him into the story somehow

Here's the next part

They all turned around to look at Aftab.
“Someone get the doctor. We might need these two looked at. I’m not sure if they’re match fit to be continuing the quest”
Aftab again had that maniacal look in his eyes.
VVS “Bari-ghor” Laxman rushed onto the scene
“Someone asked for a doctor? I couldn’t get WG Grace. Appears he’s dead”
“We need these two looked at, they’ve been stuffing down high sugar high caffeine foods…”
Aftab was now running around imitating an aeroplane, he promptly began climbling up the blinds towards the ceiling fan.
“Quickly doctor, before they harm themselves. Or even worse, harm us.”
VVS looked thoughtful. He had a walking stick of thoughts, which was a surprise.
“We might need to take them to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital (PPTH)”
“But that’s in Century City. I’m not sure if these two are capable, certainly ashraful isn’t, he already made it there once in the last decade. He may have used up his lifetime’s worth of centuries.”
VVS was thoughtful, he would need assistants, like Dr James Wilson and a bit of “Vicodin”, he couldn’t go without it.
“Have you had MRIs done on their heads?”
“No” replied Mushfiq
“Everybody lies. What about you aftab?”
“No” aftab squeezed out through a mouthful of snickers
“The patient’s lying. We’ll do an MRI anyway.”
Dr “Bari-ghor” does an MRI of aftab and ashraful each, surprisingly it is done quickly. He looks at it and back to ashraful and aftab.
“There’s nothing there! How do you treat a brain problem if it’s not there? I’m sick of being miserable. Deccan didn’t want me, nobody wants me. Where’s rahul?”
Dr “Bari-ghor” Laxman walks out leaving everyone as bewildered as before.
“Are they match fit?”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Meanwhile the meeting had commenced at “Elmo-nds” House.
Ashraful and aftab walked into the meeting room to see the ancient wise leader who had offered them hospitality. He had beautiful flowing read hair all over his head, arms, legs, body and face?
“Silence. Silence. Please stop tickling me.” Mushfiq promptly stopped tickling Elmo.
“Now we have a lot to get through, we must choose our best squad to get rid of the urn. Fox Sports, Channel Nine and Neo Cricket’s future depends on it. Not to mention our world”
A big “Beefy” man coughed nearby.
“I open the floor to “Bothamir” who brings us sad tidings.”
Ian “Bothamir” stood up to speak.

“Imran Khan he’s !!@@@#R@@. Imran Khan @#@#$#$. Imran KHAN @#@$$@-“

‘yes we heard you the first time when you and Lamb got sued. Now get on with it”
“I bring sad news of the death of my Heir. “Freddy” Flintoff has drowned. He was holidaying in the Bahamas when it appears one of the Kings had planted a beer can, we know it was from Ozdor as it said “VB”. They were playing “50 Cent” in the background. “Freddy” had no hope-“

“Isn’t Freddy a serial killer from that movie-“

Bothamir stared at him.

“If you want to take this outside, I’m sure we could “Bring back the bif” anyway as I was saying. Freddy got drunk, but he tried to escape the Kings on a pedalo. He promptly fell over. We threw a life buoy at him. It cleaned him up really good, best piece of soap I’ve seen. But it wouldn’t float.”

Everyone looked sad. Aftab and ashraful were deliriously happy having loaded up on the snickers and cadbury.

“Now Londor needs your help. I’m sure we could use the urn, lure more tourists, maybe the Kernel himself-“

“Now Bothamir, we know how dangerous the urn is. We must determine a route to deliver it. Where do you want to go through ashraful, through the relatively safe passage of “Pacific Cruises” or through the Mines of Mirpur-iah which means certain death.”

Ashraful attempted to process this, then like a chess player who thinks he has made a particularly good move:
“We go through the Mines of Mirpuriah”
Elmo looked at him thunderstruck.
“Well, in my 4000+ episodes on sesame street have I ever seen such foolhardiness and I’ve seen Bernie and Ernie. Very well then that is the route that will be taken.”



As can be seen ashraful and aftab's overdosing on Cadbury led to the catastrophic consequence in which they were on Youtube and more importantly a part of the "Jivebrow" program. They had no control over their thoughts(in the story) and now they have no control over their eyebrows

[mar umpire]

The fellowship of the urn trekked forward and onward towards Mirpuriah, all the while being watched by popmpous eyes. Their plans were not so secret.

Suddenly the covered a road along which there was desolation on both sides, a truck lay nearby with a large telegraph pole through the windscreen. It appeared there really was something dangerous afoot.

Mushfiq looked up from his “Book of Middle Subcontinent Monsters”. He gasped as he saw a tunnel facing them, that seemed to be in the shape of the cavernous jaws of some creature.

“We can’t go on. We have to turn back.”
Everyone stopped looking apprehensive. Suddenly the sound of a motorbike filled the air.
Vrooooom Vrooooooom vrooooooom
A “Hunk” of a man came across the hill, speeding towards them faster than a Jason Gillespie nightwatchman innings. He was riding a bicycle with the words “Honda” scrawled over it. It appeared he was making the “motorbike” noises with his mouth.
Vroooom vrooooom
The man came into sharp focus. Ramesh pawar looked at the crew from his bike.
“What’s the matter?”
The fellowship gestured at the tunnel.
Ramesh Pawar adjusted his helmet, looked them in the eye and said
“Reverse is not an option” and with that he cycled off towards the tunnel. It took the fellowship a few seconds to digest what had happened, then Mushfiq spoke up
“Follow him”
Aftab suddenly looked serious and began in a deep baritone voice
“Everybody follows the Hunk.
Dhaak Dhaak Go!”

They followed the “Hunk” but again there was no sign of him in the tunnel. Nearby a large drain pulsated and throbbed. In front of them lay the entrance to Mirpuriah.

Aftab and ashraful were throwing rocks into the drain. Suddnely eerie echoing voices filled the air
"Top-order bowler".
“goodness gracious........”
“Blackwash! I mean Banglawash!”
Suddenly the drain started rippling and bubbling.
“I think someone may have had SRK Morog polau, the system’s going to blow”
The system though didn’t blow. Instead a form was taking place, was that a dorsal fin?

BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGG GGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
Suddnely something emerged in a storm of bad commentary, faecal matter, digested substances and any other “stuff” that can be found in drains. The ancient creature of the deep burst from the drain like some undigested food from the bowels of Whatmore, it was a large amount and it was “all over the place” as Bill Lawry would say: “It’s all happening here”.

The creature again dived back into the drain but this time it drew closer to the companions. Suddenly the “Jaws” theme song filled the air
“Who’s playing that?”
“Forget about that look what it is, run you fools!”
Asad Rauf had barely finished when the creature emerged onto the bank of the drain.
Shamim Chowdhury stood glistening in drainage material, his moustache dripping “Essence of diarrhoea” and his glasses fogged up in his excitement. He looked at ashraful and aftab.

“Threw caution to the wind……………….”



Would you trust this man to lurk in your drain? Or apply Harpic TM to your Commode?

[mar umpire]

as I'm a bit busy now and have to finish the story a bit later, there are other chracters who may yet star

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFNXH...eature=related

[mar umpire]

Although Siddons was teaching fatalities the real master is here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZTCT...eature=related
finger licking good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkL5G...eature=related

[mar umpire]

Shamim CHowdhury stared at ashraful and aftab
“Threw caution to the wind?”
The fellowship looked at each other.
“I don’t understand…..” clearly the fellowship were bewildered
“Threw caution to the wind…….. Good to see those…………….” Shamim Chowdhury eyed ashraful and aftab,
“Something’s got to give……….’ The stream of strange commentary continued , suddenly the commentary took a more sinister tone
“Gotta go for the jugular”
Shamim CHowdhury looked at ash and grabbed at what he believed to be was “the jugular”, however Shamim CHowdhury’s knowledge of anatomy was as accurate as his commentary
“YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWM MMMMMMMTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZ”
Ashraful let out a sound like some mortally wounded animal as Shamim Chowdhury struck in a manner reminiscent of a predator from the Discovery Channel or a David Attenborough documentary.
“What’s wrong with Ash, why is he singing?”
“Is he yelling for Momtaz?”
“He’s not singing, Shamim CHowdhury has grabbed-“
“Oy you idiot that’s not his jugular, that’s-“
But it was too late, SHamim CHowdhury had what he claimed was Ashraful’s Jugular Vein between his hands in a pincer like grip, like an Eoin Morgan clinging to a KKR jersey, like an Eoin Morgan clinging to Whatmore’s un-“malished” belly, like a Shah Rukh Khan sticking to corny gags, he would not let go
“Finish him off, don’t let go…”
“Put a sock in it”
Mushfiq could see that ashraful’s life was ebbing away, he had to act fast. He needed the foulest substances known to BCB researchers to end this carnage. With a scream of rage he flew through the air to tear off aftab and ashraful’s socks, with one hand ashraful’s shirt’s armpit/”Bogle” region was torn and in one fluid movement he stuffed it down Shameem Chowdhury’s throat
“GMMMMFJFFFFFFGGHGHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM” he continued his desperate commentary, his incomprehensible sounds making more sense than his commentary
“We’re safe-“
With a great effort Shamim CHowdhury took a great gulp and swallowed the socks and the “Bogol” cloth, which until then was believed to be scientifically impossible. He licked his lips again, lurking in the drains had made him immune to most harsh substances such that he considered the above items delicacies.
He started again
“Agdoom Bagdoom-“
“Quick he’s starting again”
“Ghora-“
“Commentator’s curse/?No such thing. But we have to shut him up-“
“Dhhaak Dhol-“
What sounded like an innocent children’s rhyme could carry catastrophic consequences coming from the mouth of Shamim CHowdhury, any moment he could make a hatchet job of any classic.
“How did he digest that-“
“Whatmore’s been training him”
Shamim CHowdhury was again looking around ready to make a lunge when
BOOM
Something fired out of the drains and “Moby Dick” Cheney or “Airgun” Cheney( credit to Trigger Tiger) leapt out like some giant whale. CHowdhury was momentarily distracted. That was all it took.
Bang!
SHamim Chowdhury was struck and he reeled back and fell into the drain, there would be no “Harpic TM” moment of success for him. Ash had struck back.
“Wow how did you recover so fast after he grabbed-“
Ashraful showed them what he was wearing under his clothes
“Golden Jute Mithril-you really are full of surprises”
Suddenly the drain began bubbling again and they could hear more creatures of the deep stirring
“DLF MAXIMUM!”
“KARBONN KAMAL!”
“DOUBLE D FROM THE DOUBLE G’s”
“THAT WAS A GREAT PIECE OF BATTING GREAT BOWLING GREAT PIECE OF…..STUFF!”
The fellowship rushed away from the area into the Mines of Mirpuriah

[Zunaid]

I need to read this one day before the amount of text overwhelms me. I am not longer getting any younger and so I do not read fat books any more. Just in case I kick the bucket before I finish. I would hate to end without knowing how the book ended.

[mar umpire]

Lol sorry, I post about a page a day, the first part is shakib's story. The second part is meant to be chronologically before shakib in the time of ashraful-
There's nothing dodgy there I think, no reportable ofence or anything. Just plays on words and discussions on the forum
I should have called it the Neverending story perhaps (but I'd violate copyright maybe)

[mar umpire]

Not too happy about Morgan returning so here is a slight interlude to the story
I hope Morgan does some finishing, here's his profile

Eoin Morgan is an Irish-born Englishman with a reputation for inventive and audacious stroke-play. A compact left-hander, Morgan grew up playing hurling and with his change-up sweeps and pulls, he has clearly taken aspects of the Irish sport into his cricket.

At the age of 23, he shot to prominence on the back of two match-winning innings against South Africa. His bold approach and crisp hitting was reminiscent of the arrival of another English import, Kevin Pietersen, in 2005. With a blend of nous and power, Morgan looks a natural 'finisher' - a role England have struggled to fill for a decade

Obviously the above is a false piece of propaganda from the management. This is why he's really there

Eoin Morgan is an Irish-English "cricketer" known for his inventive methods of bhuri shine and "tel mara" which shot him to prominence during his interactions with Whatmore. The combination of a Whatmorean bhuri and an incessant supply of tel at the KKR base camp ensured Morgan as an instant selection and confirmed starter in the 11. Morgan grew up shining hari patil as well as his brothers' shoes, it appears his ability to shine caught the eye of whatmore, however Whatmore had a different idea of "shine".

"When people talk about shine, they speak of Bata and shoes and reverse swing and jack Nicholson-but that was "The Shining" not the shine."
Whatmore takes a deep breath
"When I saw his abilities I realised straight away he could see to my needs. They don't customise Estee lauder for bhuris and Maybeline is exclusively not for bhuris and I had to improvise. Add to that Morgan's great ability to get ducks, I know my health and bhuri are in good hands. Quite literally."

Morgan has shot to prominence during this IPL with a staggering average. The ability to shine Whatmore's bhuri for 12 matches in a row and even after the team had taken part in "Brad's cake eating challenge" and "Rosgulla challenge" ensured he would be sorely missed. As it stands Morgan will now leave the Lions to rejoin the KKR or Kha Kha Rosgulla as it is known to "The Wilderbeest" Kallis and Whatmore. Shah Rukh Khan declined to comment this time, sying he will comment in the future. Morgan's combination of speed and power have ensured the sheen on bhuris around the world will continue to shine and Morgan looks the "natural Chamcha" a role that the KKR have not had fulfilled until now.

[mar umpire]

Lakshmipathy Balaji performed outstandingly well last night with a magnificient last over. We look at the events leading up to this momentous event

The scene begins, some time in IPL 2. Mashrafe Mortaza is running into bowl the last over. He looked at a spot on the pitch. The ‘Corridor of uncertainty”. Mashrafe didn’t know what that was but he knew it was something good, it had a “moviesque” feel to it. He looked at Rohit Sharma. He began his run up, he steamed into the crease, took a leap that would put a fleeing Pommie Mbwangwa from Danny Morrison to shame.
Suddenly he was hit with a gleam so bright that it blinded him.

FOUR!
What was it that struck him?
Yet again he ran in, only to be struck by a Colgate (or was it Mcleans?) Beam, ROhit Sharma pasted him all over the place. Mashrafe looked up.

And there in the crowd was the source of the Colgate beams that flashed and blinded him. A CSK bowler sat there smiling at him.

Balaji!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The sun shone down through a film of smog while an MRF blimp gloated nearby like some sinister helium filled version of Vijay Mallya, nothing but hot air, like many of the franchise owners.

Balaji was “working it”. One handed push up after one handed push up
“Keep it up Bala, doing well”
“Ji Ustad”
Balaji didn’t know how a retired cricketer like Akram had instituted this training and especially how he seemed to beat him all ends up.
“Now for your bowling training. Make sure you only use a ball kept in the fridge so it reverse swings. Here bowl like me, try to hit the Yorker length from here.”
“Are you sure that’s the real length of the pitch?”
“Why you tell me bowl pitch when you don’t even know pitch and you ain’t even lefty and you ain’t a great either you ain’t got nothing, is it in you hah? Is it?”
Balaji had not understood what he was saying, but he thought he had heard the last part somewhere: Is it in you
“Gatorade?”
“No you fool. Just shut up and bowl”
Balaji bowled ball after ball, meanwhile Akram appeared to readjust his face. Balaji paid no attention, after all in the world of celebrities, bollwood, IPL and Lalit Modi on the run, adjusting faces, botox, DLF maximums and commentary coming from Pommie Mbangwa or Mike haysman was considered credible. Anything went.
‘You're ready now Bala. You’ve hit the “Corridor of uncertainty”. It’s like the Bermuda triangle of cricket. Every ball disappears that goes there….” Akram chuckled and limped away. Balaji again looked, akram had never limped before.

A few hours had passed. The Eden Gardens crowd roared. Balaji was ready, here was the last over, here was his chance to be a hero something Shah RUkh had told him about, but he hadn’t wanted to be for fear of becoming like the SRK. Prone to voice malfunctions, brain malfunctions, limb malfunctions. SRK was a malfunctioning unit alright.
Balaji ran up, took a leap that would put Mashrafe to shame and delivered into the “Corridor of Uncertainty”. The ball promptly disappeared.
“Wow, Akram was right. It really is the Bermuda triangle of cricket.”
Suddnely a searing pain went up his ear. What had happened? Had he been attacked by an American Boxer going by the name of Mike Tyson? But that couldn’t be because he wasn’t Evander Hollifield. He looked up at the sky for a “Chil” to see if it had stolen his ear.
“Gordhob, ki ball kortisish. Kan chire kallis re khawai dibo jodi aivabe ball korish”
The Gambhir face of Gautam Gambhir stared back at him.
“Where’s the ball-“
Just in time balaji saw the ball being brought back off the boundary ropes.
Again he started his run up and again the same result.
“Why don’t you reverse it you fool”
Balaji’s arm was tired, why had akram made him do so many one handed push ups? And why was Akram sitting laughing in the dugout? SRK hardly told any goood jokes.
“To reverse it, I need a ball fresh from the fridge”
Gambhir was worried. Last time he had checked, Afridi had not been around the fridge, so chances were the ball hadn’t been eaten yet, but then again Jacques and Whatmore had been around-
“Ump we need a ball change, our bowler can’t see the ball”
Promptly the Fridge ball was smuggled onto the pitch. This time Bala didn’t aim for the Corridor of Uncertainty. The ball slipped from his hands. Same result. This continued until
“Four runs Bala, you stuff up and I’ll tear out your anterior cruciate”
Bala ran up, the crowd roaring in his ears, the wind whistling in his ears, the laughter of akram in his ears, bala released the ball
“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaah”
The ball drifted towards the Corridor of-
“No! Not the Corridor of-“
Pommie Mbangwa had lost his marbles
“That was a PROPER DLF MAXIMUM” Balaji was distraught. How had it all gone so wrong.

The scene shifts to the dressing room.
“Ar korbo na! Korbo Lorbo Jitboreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” Gambhir laid into Bala with his bat, Jacques had taken Bala’s cake and consumed it. In the shadows a figure lurked. No one had seen akram after the match.
“Mar Ghumake, Ghumake Ghumake-“
“No! Please, cane me, hammer me, give me the Sharukh-shank treatment but not the World Cup Song. The same lyrics over and over again, it’s an insult to humanity and songdom-“
But they wouldn’t ease up. SRK’s “Songboarding” torture, amounting to the victim ultimately feeling like they were drowning in the horrible lyrics had taken its toll. Gambhir and the “Knights” left. Bala was crying, the song may have perforated his ear drums, or worse, lead to irreversible damage to the music centres in his brain. He may have to lead a life of singing Ashrafulesque songs.

Suddenly Akram emerged from the shadows.
“Ustad………..”
“I’ve waited a long time Bala-“ Akram readjusted his Face and took it off.
“Mortaza, I thought you were dead-“
Mashrafe raised a bat and looked at bala.
“You helped end my IPL career. Let me help you Bala-“
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The scene shifts to the press conference
“I’m sure Bala will come back-“ Gambhir had no idea who the bowling coach was

[mar umpire]

If the stories/pieces are becoming boring annoying you guys etc let me know and I'll stop. If people don't like the pieces then there's no point in me potentially wasting other people's time or my own

Thank you to those for your feedback. It was humbling to know that some had enjoyed the past pieces

Thank you also to those who posted in the thread, whether it was creative pieces or anything else

Here are a few videos which had given me some of the ideas for some of the stories, the videos I thought were quite funny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji7VmldBE_A

In reference to Siddons and the players scene where siddons puts on the tape

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqbNQ...eature=related
In reference to Ashraful's scene at "Elmo" Elrond's house

[mar umpire]

Continuing on Ashraful's story or The story of Ash/the Ashes or The Felowship of the Urn.

They had just escaped Shamim CHowdhury and "Moby Dick" Cheney. We continue the story

Suddenly the drain began bubbling again and they could hear more creatures of the deep stirring
“DLF MAXIMUM!”
“KARBONN KAMAL!”
“DOUBLE D FROM THE DOUBLE G’s”
“THAT WAS A GREAT PIECE OF BATTING GREAT BOWLING GREAT PIECE OF…..STUFF!”
The fellowship rushed away from the area into the Mines of Mirpuriah

“There it is, the colosseum!”
“No, it’s Mirpur stadium”
The fellowship had managed to escape the strange creatures that had bred in the drains around the stadium. Mushfiq looked up from his “Book of Mirpurian Monsters: Director’s Cut Edition”.
“We have to be very careful, I think we were pursued by Commies-“
“Communists, but I thought-“
“Commentators not communists. Now as it stands I heard the Hunting cries of an Athar and a Morrison, maybe even a Mbangwa. But there’s one type of creature that is more fearsome than the rest.”
“NOOOOOOOO” Habibul basher had fell onto his knees, it appeared that the former occupants of Mirpuriah (aka Moriah) had suffered a terrible fate. Down the pavilion corridor they could see the stadium was flooded, but why was the water that colour………
Aftab picked up a large book from the floor and opened it.
“That must be their records, now we’ll know what happened to them”
Aftab scratched at a ghamachee and cleared his throat and began to read, everyone waited with baited breath for the facts would finally be revealed, mushfiq gulped, habibul wiped sweat from his forehead, a fly droned on nearby, Ashraful was looking for his non-existent Bat-mobile
“Nana nana nana nana Batmaa-“
One look Habibul shut him up
Aftab began..
“See Spot Run. See Spot Walk. See Spot Go to the toi-“
“Oi, that’s not right”
Habibul grabbed the book off Aftab and began reading
“It is the year of the Warnie. In a speight of text messages he took control of headquarters. There was no quarter given, text after text, the members did not know what he was talking about.
Then Warnie hailed himself as Supreme Poker cum Coach cum Advanced Hair Care sponsor. The initial years went well. The players were introduced to many foods, Pizza, cigarettes, more Pizza, more cigarettes and finally cigarettes.
However our people/players began to get bloated, larger than ever before. Then the cigarettes ran out. Our stars could not be held on billboards, our stars could not walk our stars could not do many things that cannot be mentioned here.
The Advanced Hair Care treatment was a success until players started growing hair uncontrollably and everywhere, their limbs resembled Shahid Afridi’s head. It was a frightening sight. Who was right handed? Who was left handed? We only know they were “Afridi hair headed”. However the formula had its side effects, players would randomly wander with paroxysmal outbursts of “yeah Yeah” followed by an unearthly commercial jingle. However one day the Formula was stolen by one of the drain dwellers, those of whom we call “Commentators”. It was tough times
Desperate times called for desperate measures. Warnie had texted his mother. She arrived and promptly tackled the weight problem. We were fed diuretics day and night. Shob kisu bheshe gelo, “washout” hoie gelo. The groundstaff had no chance, the Mirpur plumbing had no chance. The sound of “HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH” filled the air. Grown men screamed and stamped but they couldn’t stop the deluge, eventually many drowned. I survived.”

Habibul looked up. He could now understand why Mirpur was a “washout”. It wasn’t rain, it was Warnie’s mum. Diuretics had bad side effects, although they cause weight loss they are not good for fluid retention
Mushfiq read his book
"DIuretics cause excess toileting of the No1 kind"

“But that wasn’t the end of our problems. A Balrog Commentator has stolen the Advanced Hair Care formula and as I speak he plots his return-“

Suddenly a loud bang erupted as ashraful pressed a red button. “NOT OUT” flashed on the screen. Asad Gandalf Rauf was livid.
“Fool of an Ash”
SUddnely the ground shook as a huge troll aka Chris Tremlett burst through the door……..
“AZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT”
They would have to fight

[mar umpire]

This is the strangest thing I've seen on the tube

I don't know what to make of it or where I could have posted it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mwny7...eature=related

The end parts are weirder

[mar umpire]

Chris Tremlett was at his menacing best, he landed on “a good line and length” and jumped around with a “steep bounce”. Blow after blow came, already two members of the Fellowship were down and out, and “sent back to the pavilion”. He was “on a hat-trick” .Warcries/appeals bombarded the fellowship from left right and centre.

“Quick we must save the urn-bearer”
Tremlett had fixed his eyes on Ash and with a roar of rage lunged, but his strike bounced over Ash. Tremlett stared in disbelief-how could this be possible, that a storbbit half his size had survived.

Javed “Legolas” Belim “Golla” leapt through the air and landed on Tremlett’s head where he hung on and struck three quick blows. Tremlett fell down unconscious. But it wasn’t the end as “The Orcs of Ozdor” piled in through the door.

Mushfiq and aftab leapt to Ash’s aid, pulling him into a corner. Imrul also lent a hand, he was still a reserve member of the Fellowship.
“Ashraful what hand does Imrul use?”
“Right”
“Ashraful, are you alright?”
“I am……….Batsman”
“Quick aftab, his condition is deteriorating, he thinks he’s a batsman now”
Indeed Ash had taken a blow too many to the head and he was rapidly falling into a delirious state, going from a previously ridiculous delusion of being Batman to an almost irreversible intoxicated state in which he believed he was a Batsman. This could spell great danger for the Fellowship.

Meanwhile at base camp, Yoda Siddons had the group training. He brought out the FIFA World Cup 2010 DVD.
“Last time you learnt the Fatality TM moves in order to prepare for Mortal Kombat: Annhilation. Today you will learn to fight much better than you have ever done, by watching the finest martial arts known to man kind”

“Are we watching a Bruce Lee movie?”
“Harbhajan v Sreesanth?”
“Mike Tyson vs Evander Hollifield? Love the part where he bit-“
Yoda Siddons had had enough
“you will watch none of that junk masquerading as martial arts. Now as I have said before there are two types of people I hate: people who can’t tolerate people of other cultures and races-“
“And?”
“-And the Dutch. We will watch the Dutch v the Spaniards”
Yoda Siddons turned on the tape. The warriors in training were shocked by what they saw
“That was surely a red card offence” gasped Pace Windu Mortaza in awe
“Look at that dive, he flew like a Robin, wait his name is Rob-”
“How can you roll the length of the Great Wall of China on a soccer pitch”
It all continued until
“What a warrior-Haitinga”
“I don’t think Liu Kang can manage a bicycle kick like that”
They watched in awe as Yoda Siddons put the image on super slo-mo. Some scrambled for their 3D glasses to get a more realistic viewing experience.
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh hhhhhh”
Haitinga’s fly kick to the chest of one particularly good Spanish player was replayed over and over again. Pandemonium ensued as many attempted to emulate the on screen “heroics” leading to unwanted appointments with physios, groin injuries, and Colgate malfunctions.
“We now practice”
Suddenly the Foo Fighters' "Everybody Likes Kung Fu fighting" began playing. The warriors were in the mood. DJ Rock and Pilotine slowly took Bagginakin Pitchinvader aka Chacha away to another room.



Nobody fought like the Dutch, whether winning or losing. Everybody there loved Kung Fu fighting. Many commentators have wrongly attributed the birthplace of Kung Fu to be in CHina or even the more credible Master Oogley of Kung Fu panda. However it originated with the Dutch soccer team.



As can be seen above the effects of Dutch soccer aka Kung Fu. One spanish player unable to take the beating any longer proceeds to leave behind his shirt and run and scream for his life as the dutch pursue in the background

[mar umpire]

The story will be on hold for a while(will be busy) in the meantime a few strange videos and spoofs of certain films-hope you enjoy

For those who are fans of Queen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY

For those who are into certain films i.e Blair Witch project
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qyfz2DFZ9OA

Old Spice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkd5dJIVjgM

[mar umpire]

Some more
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1Q7f-fPXcM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21OH0...eature=related

I like the last one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8tq0...eature=related

If you are familiar with the originals before the spoofs you'll probably find it funnier

[Nasif]

this was funny
http://tenaliramareports.com/2012/03...-claims-dhaka/

Bangladesh is number 1 in Asian cricket, claims Dhaka

Posted by Tenali Rama ⋅ March 21, 2012 ⋅ Leave a Comment
Dhaka : Mustafa Kamal, chief of Bangladesh Cricket Association (BCB), is to meet ICC chief Sharad Pawar to formally stake claim to Asia Number 1 status for Bangladesh. Speaking to reporters in Dhaka, he said, “See how our boys are playing. India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka have no answers.” The move reportedly has the support of Sheikh Hasina, Bangladesh’s prime minister.
“Tamim Iqbal, Shakib Al Hasan, and Nazmul Hossain who have performed consistently need to be part of ICC rankings. Bangladesh needs a representation in the ICC executive committee,” demanded Mustafa Kamal.

Cricket fans in Bangladesh are as ecstatic. “We can’t be called minnows,” a die-hard fan of the Bangladesh cricket team said. “We no longer score an upset win occasionally. We play to win,” said another. “Dhaka is no longer a small venue. It’s a run-giving mine. How many venues can boast of consecutive 250 plus scores?” asked the angry groundsman in Dhaka. “If any country desires to score 450 runs in 50 overs, they need to come to Dhaka.”
The ICC has gone into a huddle, taken aback by Mustafa Kamal’s remarks. A meeting is likely in Dubai to discuss the matter.
A senior BCCI official told Tenali Rama Reports that Bangladesh should learn lessons in modesty from India, which despite being world champions has lost Test series to Australia and England and one-dayers in Australia and Bangladesh.
“Do we fret and fume like Mr Kamal is doing now? We look at the big picture. And for us, the big picture is the IPL. With players from so many countries, IPL is true international cricket,” the official added.
Meanwhile, Mahela Jayawardane who wished Bangladesh well in the finals will be awarded Sher-e-Bangla, the cricketing nation’s first sportsmanship award. “He is a true lion like in the Sri Lankan flag,” commented a member of the the Sher-e-Bangla committee. However, India has raised doubts if the Lankan defeat was connected the Indian government’s decision to vote against Sri Lanka on the Tamils issue.

[shuziburo]

Nice work!